Recently I was putting together a Fire Safety Notice to put on the back of the bedroom doors at the Quaker Meeting House, and at the same time I was reading "Going Postal" by Terry Pratchett, which has the perfect set of instructions:
If Trapped by Fire, Endeavour to Escape. Do Not Open Doors If Warm. Do Not Use Stairs If Burning. If No Exit Presents Itself Remain Calm and Await a) Rescue or b) Death.
Fortunately for the tranquility of the residents, I didn't use it :-)